Helping kids grow into well-rounded adults is among the most rewarding, important, and arduous challenges; it is a task made all the more Herculean due to the ubiquitous and ever-changing nature of digital devices and social media.

Our children are the first generation to be raised under the developmental influence of social media—almost as if they have an additional set of “parents” that can undermine our own family rules and values! As trusted adults in our children’s lives, we are compelled to regularly consider not only how we can best frame, use, and model these heavily ingrained digital tools, but also how to use them in prosocial ways that promote connection, understanding, inclusion, and kindness.

This is the beginning of a series of blog posts that will discuss tangible strategies to amplify the positive while mitigating the negative effects of digital devices in our children’s and teens’ lives.

Each post will address research and practical approaches that recognize where your children are developmentally while reaffirming our collective responsibility to model the behavior we want to see.

This post focuses on how we, as parents, can communicate to our children how to appropriately navigate the internet to set the tone for proactive, safe, and social technology usage.  Upcoming posts will include topics such as monitoring, delay of introduction to social media, distinguishing the differences between social media channels, the existing research on social media and child and adolescent development, texting and group texting, and online decision-making.

Our goal is to amplify the very real, positive power our children have to promote connection and belonging (as opposed to discord) through these tools.

How do I evaluate my child’s online and social media usage?
When discussing internet usage, parents constantly wonder what is the appropriate amount of time their children should be online, and if there is an ideal age that children can watch and use social media and other platforms.  Here are a few questions to evaluate your family’s guidelines, and how that may change as they grow:

• How much screen time does my child get based on their age now?
• Does their screen time change when there is a change in schedule, such as school breaks or weekends?  Schedule changes may guide decision-making because holiday and vacation time presents more opportunities for screen time—especially if parents are seen shopping online, making social plans with others, and the general lack of routine that often accompanies these breaks in routine.

According to the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) and the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP), the guidelines for children ages 2-5 recommend limiting their screen use to one hour per day of high-quality programs.  

However, as children get older, the guidelines get decidedly blurrier.  While some recommend at most two hours of screen time above and beyond homework, most researchers do not concentrate on time restrictions but focus on the content and quality of the interaction.  

Tip #1 Knowing the content and engaging in ongoing, honest, and transparent discussion with your child about what they are watching, and who they are interacting with online, will go a long way.  This means you need to know what platforms they are using, and why.

Tip #2: Treat online interactions just like you would a typical playdate.  Do you know the child? Do you know what they are doing online together?  

Tip #3: Stay current on what your child is doing on the screen, who they are talking to, and the amount of time spent on the device. Staying current means a daily conversation about online behavior and experiences.  In addition, reviewing family expectations about reliable sources of information are important conversations to have regularly with your child.  These provide opportunities to be continuously engaged in their technology behavior and to discuss the vulnerabilities that are prayed upon via media outlets.

Tip #4: Develop healthy habits, just as you would for other parenting scenarios.  You can:

• Create a family media plan with consistent rules and enforce them for older kids.  The AAP’s   Family Media Plan is a good place to start for families to outline their media usage.
• Ensure what is being watched is age-appropriate, engages your child’s imagination, and mirrors your family values.  Watching and interacting alongside your child is recommended.
• Be prepared for inappropriate content that will pop up and some harsh comments from peers; be ready to discuss the realities of social media use and the damages that come from posts that others think cannot be traced back to them.

Tip #5: Align your family’s expectations with your school’s expectations about online behavior, to achieve consistency of message, deeper understanding of impact, and additional opportunities for accountability.

At Peck, we strive for parent partnership and believe that our values extend past the school day.  What our students do online after school trickles into everyone’s daily school experience.  

Showing students they are part of a larger community, and that the way we interact with each other impacts us all, is important for maintaining a positive community. Discussions should take place both at school AND at home not only about expectations for online behavior, but also about accountability for one’s actions.  

A few topics that are regularly discussed at Peck are:

• Content creation vs. content consumption, i.e. putting things out into the world that benefit others
  Building the capacity to see that a lack of response isn’t social rejection; shared norms about availability and communication (ex., immediate responses should not be expected) apply to the online world as well  
• In-person conversation norms also apply to the digital space; follow Consideration of Others
  Use technology to connect with friends on a deeper level or with friends who perhaps you don’t connect with as easily in person
• Understanding that communication online can be tricky since tone and body language are not present.  Miscommunications can sometimes occur because unclear or subtle statements are easily misinterpreted.

Tip #6: Use high-quality educational research to evaluate your family’s technology usage and guide conversations with your child.  

Enough is Enough, a non-partisan, non-profit organization founded in 1994 by activist Donna Rice Hughes, has published clear internet safety guidelines by age to help guide parents on this journey.  

• For Two- to Seven-Year-Olds
• For Eight- to Ten-Year-Olds
• For Eleven- to Thirteen-Year-Olds
• For Fourteen- Eighteen-Year-Olds

Beginning a conversation with your child about safe technology use may feel overwhelming—so to help get started, we recommend using the Online Youth Pledge by Enough is Enough for students and parents to help keep the lines of communication open.

For more detailed information, parents may read Common Sense Media which provides more detailed information for parents and teens that is divided by age, topic, and platform.

With these tips, and with a strong school-parent partnership, we can raise our children to be wholesome technology users who can participate online safely, respectfully, and as positive contributors to their communities.