New sneakers. Taco Tuesday. Secondary School Applications.
Field hockey practice. Piano lessons. Secondary School Applications.
Musical dress rehearsal. Eighth-Grade speech Due. Secondary School Applications.
Are you anxious yet? Because you could be.
This is the mental ticker of the average eighth-grader at Peck. With in-school demands coupled with extracurricular responsibilities, it’s easy to understand why middle school teens experience stress, anxiety, and even depression. But there are things parents can do to help. Eighth-grade Lead Teacher and Peck alumna Virginia Savage ‘05 offers five ways parents can help their child balance stress and wellbeing this fall:
- Reinforce positive habits. Sleep, healthy meals, time outside, and quality time with family – these are the markers of a healthy life. And in my view, if these needs are not met, academic success may be requiring too high of a price. Families can and should reserve the right to step in if their eighth-grader is burning the candle at both ends in service of prioritizing sleep and quality time together over nightly homework or extracurricular activities.
- Be willing to listen. Reiterate your willingness to listen without judgment and without attempting to solve whatever issue is at hand. This is far easier said than done. More often than not, kids just need to know we hear them, we acknowledge what they’re going through, and we love them. This is particularly true in the teen years when so much feels uncertain. Authentic listening creates a safety net for them while encouraging the autonomy and agency necessary to grow. Once they’re certain of our unconditional acceptance, they’re far better positioned to tackle the task before them or discern if they need adult help.
- Resist the urge to solve problems. Parents' biggest misconception is that their job is to fix everything for their child; it’s easy to look at everything an eighth-grader is juggling and want to swoop in to clear the path. But consistently doing so ignores the long game: we want children to feel empowered to tackle any and all elements of their lives comfortably, independently, and with integrity. Parents are a necessary audience for children; despite their occasional gruff bedside-manner, they believe your input is invaluable. Simply asking, “What do you need from me right now?” in the face of a dilemma may reveal the easy modifications that could be made to lessen stress for your child while encouraging them to partner with you in the process. They may not be forthcoming at first – that’s okay! Keep showing up with the intention to partner with them rather than act for them.
- Express and show your unconditional love. Ultimately, your child needs to know there is nothing they can do, no action they can take or fail to take, that will make you question your love or support for them. Knowing these elements remain unconditional makes it easier for all kids to tackle life’s obstacles and uncertainties head-on. In the face of so many imposed outside pressures, kids need to know they’re more than their achievements or mistakes. There’s a tremendous amount of pressure applied to “get it all right” when in reality, that’s an impossible standard to hit. For any of us, really, irrespective of age!
- Put things in perspective. Life is complex and constantly changing for eighth-graders these days. The challenge of today may feel like the end of the world to your middle schooler, but it’s our job as adults to help students evaluate the gravity and permanence of each hurdle they experience in life. It is helpful if your child has another mentor other than you they can go to. Your child needs to have a reservoir of trusted people (grandparents, uncles/aunts, teachers, coaches, etc.) to hear stories of struggle and survival.
